“I cried for the entire day.” What it’s like to send your first child to boarding school

Photographer Lindy Hick lives on Antrim station, a 19,000 hectare property about 100 kilometres south of Hughenden in north-west Queensland, with her husband Tony and three sons: Jack, 12, Hugh, 10, and six-year-old Frankie. This is Jack’s first year as a boarder at All Souls St Gabriels in Charters Towers, Queensland.

Sending Jack to boarding school was a mixed bag of emotions. We are super-excited for him and the opportunities he is about to experience, but at the same time we are missing him like crazy. I came home after dropping him off and cried for an entire day. It is a feeling of shock: the child we have been 100 per cent responsible for keeping alive and thriving is now off, and we have to adjust to not seeing him or being with him, as he learns how to stand on his own two feet and cope without us. He’s experiencing so many new and exciting things we don’t get to watch or be a part of anymore. It’s all a very normal and important progression, but we’ve realised how quickly 12 years goes.

The two younger boys miss him, too, especially when it comes to the extra chores they’ve had to take on in Jack’s absence, such as feeding the animals and collecting the eggs.

Jack is settling in well at school. He has a fantastic group of mates and I’m yet to hear a single negative word about either the teachers or the food, so things must be good, as those are the two things most boarders complain about first.

Both Tony and I attended boarding school. I loved my experience. I threw myself into everything going and never really had much time to get homesick or bored. Tony also thoroughly enjoyed his time at boarding school, although he admits his final two years were a waste of his parents’ money and his teachers’ time!

My favourite thing about boarding school was always being busy. I played every kind of sport on offer and had a social life to die for. It was so different from my life back at home on the station as a distance-education kid, with only my brother and sisters for company, and I absolutely relished the experience. There was a real sense of family within the school community. Everyone was experiencing all the same emotions, all at the same time, so we were able to rally together and support one another when we needed it.

One of the most profound experiences I had at school was when I was in Year 10, and one of my best friends was killed in an accident at home during the Christmas holidays. I remember having absolutely no idea how I was even going to get through another day, but as the school year rolled around, I returned to a shell-shocked community, all experiencing the same feelings as I was. We grieved together, and having that in common helped us all heal. It really is one big family.

Choosing a school for Jack was easy for us. Tony and I both attended the same school when we were kids, and Tony’s family live nearby, so it was a no-brainer.

But there are many things to take into account when choosing a school and it all comes down to what is important to you. We chose a school we were familiar with. We already knew a number of the teaching and administrative staff, and many of the kids and their families, too.

We love that Jack is going to a school surrounded by good old-fashioned, well-mannered people. When we went to look around, we were met by kids who introduced themselves confidently and proceeded to tell Jack, “You’re going to like it here.” We thought, if that’s what they’re fostering here, then we’re in.

We prepared Jack the best we could for boarding school by explaining how it’s just a ‘normal’ part of life, because out here it is. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to truly prepare them for the homesickness, apart from letting them know that it’s a perfectly normal emotion that everyone goes through and that the best way to cope is just to keep busy. The more you get yourself involved in, the less time you have to think about home and, after a while, you find yourself actually enjoying your time there.

Jack’s first phone call home was on his third day at school, to tell us not to worry about him as he’s not homesick anymore… after texting me and telling me he didn’t think he could do it, on day two! It’s up and down, but thankfully mostly up.

My advice for other parents, especially for those who never attended boarding school themselves, is: firstly, it’s going to be okay! It’s a wonderful, unique experience that teaches kids resilience, independence and the confidence to make decisions on their own. Secondly, don’t call your kids, let them call you. Try your best to leave them in school as much as you can during the first term. Communicate more with the dorm master and less with your child, as they’re your eyes, so they’ll let you know exactly how they’re doing. Your kids will cry to you, then hang up and run off with their mates, having a whale of a time, while you’re left feeling like the worst person that ever existed. Finally, enjoy the hugs when they get back home — they’re the best I’ve had from Jack in years.

This article appeared in Graziher‘s 2023 Boarding School Guide. You can access the latest guide here.