How to choose the right co-ed boarding school for your children

Amy and Richard Holcombe’s home is so much quieter this year after they saw their second daughter off to boarding school. Now it’s just them and their youngest son at the dinner table and the family dynamic is changing.

A regular photographer for Graziher, Amy grew up in Banana in the Dawson Valley of Central Queensland and now lives barely 20 clicks away north of Moura. Eleven years ago, she and Richard purchased their 1618 hectare property, Kinma, where they background cattle for the feedlot industry. The couple have three children: Ella, 13, in Year 8; Imogen, 12, in Year 7; and nine-year-old Charlie. Both girls currently attend The Rockhampton Grammar School. While Amy usually lets her amazing photographs tell the story, here she wields both camera and keyboard to share her family’s boarding-school experience.

Sending your first child to boarding school is unbelievably hard. You ask yourself if it is the right decision, both for them and for your family. There is an empty seat in the car and at the dining table, less conversation around the house, and you notice all the little things that constantly remind you they are not there. You know they are going to have hard times, and you have to trust there will be someone else to give them the hugs that they need.

It also changes your relationship with your children, but that’s okay. They grow up and develop their independence so much faster than if they were at home. While we are still their parents, we need to step back to a degree to let that happen and appreciate the people they are growing into. They appreciate us more, too, and the time we get together is so much more intentional.

Charlie misses his sisters so much. He loves having people around him and we knew this year would be difficult. For the first 48 hours after they left he talked non-stop, trying to fill the silence. He has settled into the new routine now, but he looks forward to his sisters’ weekends at home.

Both Richard and I went to boarding school. I went to Rockhampton Girls Grammar School from Year 10, and Rich attended The Armidale School from Year 7. We both enjoyed our experiences and, although it wasn’t always easy, we really appreciated the opportunities that came with going away and how much it opened our eyes to the world. This made it easier for us to decide whether our children would go to boarding school and which school they would attend. As a result, our kids knew from a very early age they would most likely go away to school, as long as they felt they were ready and wanted to go.

Our own experiences of boarding-school life definitely had an impact on our approach. It was important that it was close enough so we could still be actively involved in what the kids are doing. We wanted to go to their sporting events, both during the week and on weekends, bring them home as much as they want, and ensure they know that no matter what is happening, we can be there for them if they need us. This was something I had, due to how close my school was to where I lived. Rich, on the other hand, living a significant distance from his school, only went home for one weekend during his entire boarding-school experience, and it was much harder for his parents to make it to school events. We are so lucky to have quality schools so close to home.

We also placed a high value on coeducation. I love the idea of all our children attending the same school.

Another major consideration was that we wanted the kids to be exposed to different academic subjects and cocurricular activities, which can be limited at a smaller school. Our girls are driven to achieve academically, and it is good for them to be challenged by other kids on and above their level.

When it came down to making a choice, we took all three kids with us on school tours, so it was very much a family decision. This was important for us, as it was their future, where they were going to be living and they had to feel the school was going to be right for them: we were just lucky they all chose the same school!

This is Ell’s second year boarding and Immy’s first, and both are loving their experience so far. In Ell’s grade, there are a number of other kids from our area, so she has the security of already knowing people and a lot less fear about the whole process. There were certainly aspects of school that didn’t meet her expectations of what she thought it would be like, but it has been amazing to watch her learn who she is as a person. She has tried many things she would not have access to if she were at home. There have been moments of homesickness and other woes, and each time the staff were there to support her. She is always excited to go back.

Immy is our homebody and was never really sold on the idea of boarding school. We always explained why we wanted her to go away to school, but ultimately it was her decision; if she wasn’t ready, then she didn’t have to go. Allowing her to be involved in the choice of schools, and then visiting Ell during her first year, really put her mind at ease. Now she is loving it! She is jumping at opportunities but also loves that she can call and say, “Can I come home for the weekend?” and we can be there.

My advice for parents is to involve your kids in the decision. They view things from a different perspective and can give you a whole new insight into how you look at the school. Leave the kids at school as much as possible for that first term, as this is an important time for them to settle into routine and form bonds with other boarders. The relationships you build with dorm supervisors is also crucial. They know exactly what’s going on with the kids and can give you reassurance that everything is okay. We have a great relationship with our ‘dormos’, as the kids call them, and I have been very thankful for how they support our kids every day.

In fact, most of the time the girls are too busy to get homesick. You know they’re enjoying themselves when they don’t want to come home because of the activities they would miss out on, and this has happened plenty of times! And, hard as it may seem, when you are not hearing from them, just be comforted by the knowledge that they are okay.

Ella and Immy Holcombe attend The Rockhampton Grammar School.